Friday, December 6, 2013

Guest Review: Skyfall

My therapist suggests random acts of kindness might help drowning out the voices. So here's a review of Skyfall written by my twelve-year old nephew Nimrod, who prefers being called "Stinky":

Nimrod, aka "Stinky"

My mom usually doesn't let me watch grown up-type movies, but she said it would be okay if I watched Skyfall with her, so long as I kept my trap shut and didn't make any noise while someone named Daniel Craig was on the screen. Turns out Daniel Craig is this old English guy who takes off his shirt a lot, which is kinda gross, and every time he appeared my mom's legs would get all twitchy, and she'd make little noises like she was eating ice cream.

This is one super-awesome movie. Lots of explosions, and crashes, and fighting on top of speeding trains. A subway falls through a tunnel. Awesome. Lots of shooting, too, which was sometimes confusing, but that made it even more awsomer. Anything fast is good, that's my motto.

So there's this secret agent named James Bond, who's looking for another secret agent who's evil and wants to blow up the world, or something. But the question I have is, if James Bond is a secret agent, why does he keep telling people his real name? "Bond. James Bond," he says. Duh. If I were a secret agent, I'd make up a fake name. But that's okay, since he doesn't do much talking, he mostly shoots a lot of people and awesomely blows things up.

There was so much of James Bond falling in water that I thought it should have been called Waterfall. Turns out that Skyfall is the name of the place where James Bond grew up as a child, much like Gone With the Wind is the name of the plantation where Scarlett O'Hara lived.

Like I said, most of the movie is really awesome, but parts of it are kinda gross, like when James Bond takes a shower with a woman, or lets another woman shave him, practically in the dark. I mean, if you're going to let someone shave you, at least turn on the lights. Stupid.

The cast, quoting from memory, includes Craig Daniels, Judi Stench, and Javier Badass. Then there's this really, really old guy, older than James Bond even, my mom said used to be a real actor. Albert Findley, I think she said.

So even with the gross parts, I recommend this movie. Lots of action, and a good story, too. It's like it was made just for me. I just hope this isn't the only James Bond movie they make. I hope they make more.

No comments:

Post a Comment